One week until moving day! I'm so excited, and I have so much to do. I really need to make a list of things I have to get done this coming week before Friday... Plus I have a million things going on. I just want this week to fly by, I want to get everything moved and just curl up in bed with my amazing other half and go to sleep in our own home. I'm pretty sure Rayne will be really happy too :)

Dear last week of January, please fly by. k thanks.

I may not have very many people who love me and support me, but the few I do have mean the world to me. I can count on one hand how many people I actually consider family. It's nice to know that some people will always be there. That being said...

I haven't been able to relax for what seems like an eternity.... I just want to breathe... I'm feeling particularly emo tonight and ll I really want to do is stay in bed and never get out of it. I feel like I'm constantly around people. I have no privacy in this house AT ALL. I've been completely alone TWICE since moving home, that's it. One of my walls is a glass door so even in my room I'm on display for the house. Not to mention the lack of a lock on my door. Whenever I'm home I feel like I have permanent anxiety, I can't breathe. When I'm not here I'm constantly around people too, even strangers annoyed me today. I really need some peace and quiet, some alone time. Well, alone but my girlfriend could join me. She's the only one though. She doesn't annoy me, plus i sleep a million times better with her on my boob. :p

I'm going to stop being emo. It doesn't matter anymore anyway... 

10 more days....

A friend of mine on facebook posted a status talking about how so many people cheat and claiming that its okay because humans are not supposed to be monogamous anyway... Shit like this pisses me off...

Do you know why people cheat? A majority of people cheat because they are lazy. Relationships take a lot of work, HARD WORK. They arnt all rainbows kisses and smiles everyday for the rest of your life. They SHOULD be mostly good times, you SHOULD be happy in your relationship and enjoy the life you are creating with your significant other BUT shit happens. Life throws crap at people on a daily basis, you go through hard times, whatever it may be SOMETHING is going to happen at some point in your relationship. Too many people see that as an excuse to 'turn to someone else'... F THAT. NO, THATS NOT OKAY. If you really love someone you fight to be with them. You work through all that hard shit no matter what it is. So you might hate each other a few days, maybe you're not happy with each other for a few months or maybe things are just stressful and even though they have nothing to do with the two of you its effecting your relationship. Okay. Get through that. Get to the other side... It's supposed to make you stronger.

I am by NO means saying that you should stay in a shitty relationship, if things arnt working out end it. Don't cheat, fucking leave. It's simple respect for another human being, one you at one point had to have had SOME sort of feelings for. Most people don't marry their first girlfriend/boyfriend and thats okay, each relationship is supposed to be a lesson. Learn from it. I'm just saying, if it isnt working, LEAVE. If you're that unhappy, if you don't want to work at it FOREVER, Then you have no business being in that relationship in the first place. I hate the sob stories, the excuses... "oh I can't leave because of this or that or whatever" NO. If you can't leave at that moment in time, and its that bad then you shouldn't even be worried about who you're going to fuck next. You should be worried about getting your shit together, fixing your life and getting out of the mess you made... THEN worry about relationships. Hopping from one to another isnt going to solve the obvious problem you already have.

I'm kind of venting... I'm kind of going off on tangents but this shit just makes me so mad. All I've ever wanted was to find the ONE person I could spend the rest of my life with. I was never that naive that I thought it would be easy. I know it's going to take work but it's worth it. I want to grow old with someone I love, who loves me in return... I want to be THAT important to someone that they will fight to be with me. It's not a game and too many people have played me like it was.... Not that it matters anymore because I AM happy, i HAVE found my 'other half' and I believe her when she tells me she feels the same way I do and I am more in love than I have ever been... I'm going to spend the REST of my life with this girl and I will never need anyone else.. I just get mad at how easy it seems to be for people to play games and then to make shitty excuses for why its okay.... I guess I'm kind of being relationship defensive... I'm pms-ing, ignore me.

She who said she hated apple products and would never buy/use one again is getting an iPhone 4. She also might be a teensy weensy bit excited about it. I have no shame.

but really... I think I'm only excited because it's white and I REALLY want a white phone everything.

Now to find the perfect case....

I don't understand why my being happy is a bad thing... How can you love your child but not want them to be happy, or to be themselves? I don't get it. I could never ever treat anyone the way my family has been treating me, let alone my future children. For the most part I let it go, I make excuses for them or I just simply shrug it off but at the end of the day it does hurt. Not the words they say, not the jokes or cold shoulder... The thing that hurts the most is not feeling loved by the people who SHOULD love me. It's okay though, because I am loved. Maybe not by them but by the people who truly love me, who want wants best for me and accept me just the way I am and I am blessed for that.

Besides... I AM happy. I am so happy, I am happy that I AM happy. Does that make sense? I can't really explain it.. I just feel complete. For the first time in my life I feel like there arnt enough years. I want to be able to feel this way forever. I'm excited about the future, our future together and the children we will hopefully have one day.

So anyone who can't accept me for the person I am, or who doesn't love me and can't treat me with respect is going to miss out on sharing a great life with us. I feel sorry for them.